cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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