My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
