Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
