When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize