apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
