His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
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Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
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My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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