He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
