i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
