we have officially lost it.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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