then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
