Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize