It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
