so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
