i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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