Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
