uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize