I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize