is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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