And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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