New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
