You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
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I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
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"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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