I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
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