i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
