My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
