Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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