you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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