This show inspires me to have sex in space
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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