4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
you had me at cake vodka
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
