remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
