Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
