I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Green mimosas i think yes
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Randomize
