I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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