Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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