I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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