the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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