Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
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