let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
this boner is exhausting
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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