my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I would ride that face into the sunset
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
