Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
