Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
