Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
