Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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