U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
