New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
