I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
