I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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