Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
