just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
