Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
