Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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