It's like a parade of train wrecks.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
