kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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