i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
