I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
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I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
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I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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