She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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