Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
