Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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