is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
