you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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