I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
