I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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