New low: just hacked my moms facebook
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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