Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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