Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
