Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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