I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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