Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
