He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
