meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
