I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
